Post #32
Losing my hair and growing a beard
The Crone Intelligence Briefing · Classification: Highly Opinionated · Mission Status: Proceeding with Sarcasm
There are quite a few things that really get my goat when it comes to perimenopause. What d’you mean you’d never have guessed! Cheek, don’t let me come through that screen with my giant slapping hand! Just kidding, I know my audience is filled with Sister Crones the world over, and so like family, you get a pass from the sass!
What was I saying? (fucking brain fog!) Oh yes, this gets my GOAT. What? I hear you cry. Get on with it you doddering hag! Easy now with the truth telling. My hair, my long sumptuous tresses (who am I fooling? The last time I had locks like that was when I played Rapunzel in a school play) are thinning and falling out!
Yes, I’m vain. But when men go bald and want a hair transplant, they’re called resourceful. Double fucking standard. Well screw that I’m resourceful too which is why I’m having a rant about my hair.
This was one of my early symptoms, more hair in the comb, more when I washed my hair, more still if I ran my hands across my head. I was like a fucking sheep dog! I also even noticed something odd about each strand of hair. It was thin and fine closer to the root. BAFFLING.
Until I read that declining hormones are to blame (no shit). A drop in estrogen levels can affect the hair-growth cycle, shifting more hairs into the resting phase (telogen) rather than the growth phase (anagen), so they shed. In some women, follicles are also sensitive to androgens such as testosterone and DHT, which can contribute to shrinking follicles and finer hairs. Add stress and possible thyroid issues to the mix and there are several potential suspects behind those short, thin RUNT hairs.
WELL FUCK! I’d made a discovery, not Nobel worthy but for a simple Crone, pretty blinding all the same. This is why my hairs were starting off okay, then thinning and shedding! In my mind I was Marie Curie after she discovered radium (ironic since that stuff makes EVERYTHING fall out not just your hair).
But as any true pessimist knows, my bubble was about to be burst. All those errant hairs? It seems like they were desperate to reincarnate. NOT ON MY FUCKING HEAD! But in places I didn’t want hair.
My chin is prime location. I have about 25 THICK AS WIRE residing here. Another 6 or so at the ends on my ‘stash’ again WIRY but BLACK. A dozen or so on the bottom of my ear lobes, then there are the ones on my areolas, oh and that really attractive A-line that goes from my ironically sparse pubic area to the tops of my thighs.
BUT as I said, I’m resourceful and if I don’t get my head hair growing again (it has improved after upping my estrogen) I’m cultivating my leg hairs to transplant to my temples and crown. Kill two birds with one stone.
Seriously, my self-esteem has taken a hit with the hair loss, much more than expected. I might be a hag but I still want to look and feel like a woman not the Tales From the Crypt, Crypt Keeper!
I’ve looked into drugs but if I start taking any more stuff I’ll rattle when I walk. Honestly, since I’ve seen how my hair loss fluctuates with my hormone levels, I think that’s my own personal path to ‘Rapunzel’ hair one twisted lock at a time.
WELCOME TO THE THUNDERCRONE