Crone in Chaos Is in the House
Meet the Crone, enter the chaos, and find out why midlife was never going to be handled quietly.
Read the rant
Before the Chaos Began
A look back at the suspiciously calm years before hormones began moving the furniture around in the dark.
Read the rant
Sticky Situations
Sweat, heat, damp indignity and the glamorous reality of a body apparently running its own weather system.
Read the rant
As Dry as the Sahara?
When perimenopause turns ordinary dryness into a full-scale desert expedition nobody packed for.
Read the rant
My Patch Hates Me
Patch day should be simple. Hormones, skin and anxiety have apparently formed a committee to ensure that it is not.
Read the rant
The 3AM Club
Welcome to the least exclusive club in perimenopause, where membership begins when your eyes snap open at 3AM.
Read the rant
Shits, Farts and Constipation
A dignified discussion of the digestive chaos nobody put in the glossy midlife brochure. Dignity is optional.
Read the rant
WTF Does Everything Scare Me Now?
When your previously competent brain starts treating ordinary life like a tiger has entered the room.
Read the rant
My Get Up and Go Has Got Up and Gone
Energy, motivation and enthusiasm appear to have left no forwarding address. The Crone files a missing-person report.
Read the rant
Am I Really That Ugly?
The mirror has opinions. Hormones have opinions. Neither has been asked, yet both remain extremely vocal.
Read the rant
How to Get HRT From Your Doctor
How to prepare for the HRT conversation, explain what is happening, and avoid forgetting every useful sentence once the appointment starts.
Read the rant
Hello? I’m Over Here!
On becoming mysteriously invisible in midlife while remaining fully capable of seeing everybody else’s nonsense.
Read the rant
Sick of Being the Family Doormat
The patience cupboard is bare. A dispatch from the moment lifelong people-pleasing finally meets perimenopausal limits.
Read the rant
Why Did No One Warn Me About This?
A formal complaint regarding the enormous list of perimenopause symptoms everyone somehow forgot to mention.
Read the rant
The HRT Shortage: Myth or Reality?
What happens when the treatment keeping the hormonal circus vaguely contained suddenly becomes hard to find.
Read the rant
Does HRT Delivery Method Really Make a Difference?
Patch, gel, tablet and the rest: a Crone-sized look at why the way hormones arrive can matter to the conversation.
Read the rant
Feelings Are Imposters
When a perfectly convincing feeling barges in, steals your chair, and turns out not to be telling the whole truth.
Read the rant
Me and My Fucking Bones
A deeply affectionate midlife conversation with the skeleton you barely thought about until it began demanding attention.
Read the rant
Scratch That Itch
Skin gets weird too. Itching, irritation and another item for the rapidly expanding list titled “Apparently This Is Perimenopause.”
Read the rant
Spotting or Flooding? Decisions, Decisions
Perimenopausal periods abandon the schedule and embrace improvisational theatre, usually while you are wearing something nice.
Read the rant
Frozen Shoulders and Tennis Elbows
A tour of the aches, stiffness and mysteriously offended joints that can arrive in the middle of the hormonal festivities.
Read the rant
Oh, Stop Talking
Some days every voice is one voice too many. Irritability arrives, patience departs, and chewing sounds become a personal attack.
Read the rant
I Can Smell Your BO From Here
The nose has apparently received a midlife software update. Unfortunately, the new feature is detecting everyone from across the room.
Read the rant
Ann Who? Anhedonia, That’s Who
When things you used to enjoy suddenly feel like beige wallpaper, the Crone investigates the missing pleasure department.
Read the rant
Perimenopause Pregnancy
Wacky hormones do not automatically mean no babies. An uncomfortable reminder that irregular cycles are not contraception.
Read the rant
Rage Against the Machine
When a simple piece of technology becomes the final tiny insult separating civilized society from a full Crone uprising.
Read the rant
I Think I’m Hearing Things
When the Crone hears a question nobody actually asked, she investigates strange sounds, auditory symptoms and yet another unexpected corner of perimenopause.
Read the rant
The Unusual Suspects episode 1
The Crone investigates thyroid disorders as the first “Unusual Suspect,” exposing how closely hyper- and hypothyroidism can mimic the symptoms of peri/menopause.
Read the rant
Did I start HRT too late?
The Crone wonders whether she started HRT too late, what years of untreated perimenopause may have done, and why starting hormone treatment later does not necessarily mean missing the boat.
Read the rant
The Unusual Suspects episode PMOS PCOS
The Crone investigates PMOS, formerly known as PCOS, as Unusual Suspect #2: a lifelong hormonal and metabolic condition with symptoms that can closely mimic peri/menopause.
Read the rant
The elephant in the room (me)
The Crone confronts perimenopause weight gain, belly fat, changing body shape, metabolism, muscle loss, sleep and the particular indignity of elasticated waistbands.
Read the rant
Losing my hair and growing a beard
The Crone rants about perimenopause hair loss, thinning hair, rogue chin whiskers, changing hormones and the indignity of growing a beard while losing her locks.
Read the rant
This fucking hurts and orgasms suck
The Crone is utterly pissed about painful sex, vaginal dryness, disappearing orgasms and intimacy during peri/menopause, with a look at GSM, lubricants and vaginal estrogen.
Read the rant
Is this dementia
The Crone investigates perimenopause brain fog, forgotten words, memory lapses, estrogen and the terrifying question: is this dementia?
Read the rant
Will testosterone give me a penis
The Crone digs into testosterone use in perimenopause, libido, hormone pellets, unexpected side effects and one very unwelcome surprise.
Read the rant
I keep getting the clap and tit thrush
The Crone tackles recurring urinary discomfort, under-boob rashes, vaginal changes, sweating and the indignities of perimenopause.
Read the rant
Woah, are these my boobs?
The Crone discovers sore, growing boobs after starting HRT, briefly celebrates joining the big-boob club, and meets the evil tit fairy.
Read the rant
Burning bridges and torching my life
The Crone discovers the DGAF-o-Meter, learns to say no, sets boundaries at work and home, and reckons with friendships lost along the way.
Read the rant
I hate my work colleagues more than ever
The Crone takes her DGAF-o-Meter to work, where perimenopause, exhaustion, office cliques and dwindling patience collide.
Read the rant
Trying to relax - learning what works
The Crone attempts to relax through perimenopause, brain fog, stress, detective shows, art and cuddling anything furry that will sit still.
Read the rant
The Unusual Suspects episode - Anemia
The Crone investigates anemia as Unusual Suspect #3: iron deficiency, symptom overlap with peri/menopause, testing, hormones, treatment, and HRT.
Read the rant
The Unusual Suspects episode - Rheumatoid Arthritis and Hashimotos
The Crone investigates rheumatoid arthritis and Hashimoto's as Unusual Suspect #4: symptoms that mimic perimenopause, testing, autoimmune conditions, and treatment.
Read the rant