Post #25
Perimenopause Pregnancy
Crone Intelligence Briefing · Filed under: Oh FFS, really?
As a childless by choice Crone, this is something I have wondered about for a while. What if during one of those periods of horniness (rare these days but it happens) I jump Tatter Cloak’s bones and ride him like my life depended on it?
Course, he being the virile specimen that he is, would not mind a bit. Me writhing like Linda Blair in The Exorcist and him unable to keep his MASSIVE FUCKING (hey now, I see where those dirty minds went) grin off his face.
A jizz load later, I lie hot and dribbling (other end) and not thinking twice about repercussions aka babies. I mean what the fuck does my shriveled old bat cave have to offer new life anyway? It’s not exactly a hospitable place at the moment. So far, no babies. BUT what if the unimaginable happened? I have Sister Crone Yasmin’s permission to tell you that this is EXACTLY her story. Pregnant in perimenopause. By the way, I am shocked it didn’t happen sooner because she’s super-hot and doesn’t have an arid dune-scape for a vagina.
So how the FUCK did it happen? Well, the usual way (obviously most of us have ridden cock enough to know the facts of life), no condom, no birth control, a sudden last gasp from the ovaries (behaving like the village bike insisting they are not past it) and then a HUGE libido tantrum. We all gasped in shock and sympathy at the Sister Crones weekly gathering, so much so our usual barista nearly popped his ‘milk-frother’ cork as he listened.
I am not making light of this because it is a hugely personal and sensitive subject and I was never more glad that it was not happening to me. We are so proud of Yasmin Crone for finally opening up to us like she did, suffice to say it was a VERY tough time for her because she miscarried. “I just couldn’t talk about it,” she said. “It’ll take a long time to get over.”
That put a lot in perspective for us and I admit I did not feel like ranting after hearing her suffering. But the fact is that after age 45 egg quality declines drastically, leading to abnormalities. In Yasmin’s case the body took action.
So why the fuck is this so important? Well for one it could happen to anyone of us who is still having periods or ovulating. Secondly, when those periods get screwy it is easy to dismiss the ‘not having a period,’ thing for just being the, ‘irregular as part of perimenopause,’ thing. Third of all those pregnancy symptoms like (for some) a nose like a bloodhound, mood swings, craving carbs, sore tits etc is part of perimenopause! For fuck’s sake when you are trying to get your dose balanced if on HRT, you might have some or ALL of those symptoms. That’s perimenopause mimicking pregnancy like some Single White Female shit on crack.
AND, being pregnant will not balance your hormones all of a sudden or reset you. A baby simply stalls the peri/menopause juggernaut. That fucker is still on schedule to run you over!
SCARY SHIT HUH? Yep VERY, so take heed and like we tell the kids, “if it’s raining outside put a jacket on.” Wait that should be, “no glove? No love!” if you want to be hip.
KEEP CRONE AND CARRY ON!