Post #33
Sex really hurts and orgasms suck
The Crone Intelligence Briefing · Classification: Highly Opinionated · Mission Status: Proceeding with Sarcasm
“Just have more sex to get lubricated, that will sort it right out.” Quote from the bellend that calls himself my doctor. I wish I was joking, but having chatted with Sister Crones (both in my weekly catch up and in the wild or online) some of the responses we’ve had to painful sex during peri/menopause are down-right flabbergasting and worthy of a full-on stream of fuckspletives! You can bet he’d be the first to provide help to a man whose willy shriveled at 50!
Anyway, this is a rant for those of us still getting frisky with our partners. AND those who are still too young to trudge through the blood and sweat-soaked trenches of menopause. This could happen to you, so being informed is crucial. I’m not a selfish, ‘head in the sand about menopause’, kind of woman. I want to let the younger generation know what they might expect. Unlike my aunts, and mother who frankly failed this huge step in my education.
When estrogen falls, all the great protective effects sink with it. Usually, it brings huge blood flow to the vagina, keeping cells happy, aiding lubrication etc, everything’s nice and juicy and plump and cushioned for impact. When it drops, we get thinning of tissues, loss of elasticity, lubrication fucks off and you end up with what I call un-affectionately the VaDRYna. In some cases, the atrophy of the vagina is so bad it gets its own name. Genito-urinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM).
So imagine if the urge takes you (another shitty gift from the perimenopause fairy - frankly it’s rare in my case to want to jump my husband, Tatter Cloak’s bones and make like a mechanical bull in theme park) the chances are it will hurt like crazy. By that I mean micro-tears, bleeding, tightness, burning friction and absolutely nothing sexy.
Arousal is like that analgesic that helps us keep going during uncomfortable sex (that we have consented to by the way - nobody should be having unconsented sex and ‘pushing on through’ it). If the urge vanishes sex is not fun or happy and if you persist and get to orgasm an atrophied clit says no thanks, so you’re cheated out of an orgasm too. It’s like a burst balloon farting pathetically into the atmosphere. No fireworks, just damp squib. LITERALLY, fucking annoying.
Okay you still want sex with your partner, they still want sex with you, but there’s this huge obstacle in the way. This goes further than just the physical act; we move into the realm of brain-fuckery. A sex life especially during a time when we Crones feel the most vulnerable, is a show of intimacy and unity. That we’ve not been abandoned by our partners, that we still look sexy (at least to them – they probably need specs) and we’re not alone. This is fodder for a therapist or a marriage counsellor and rightly so because being together at this time is important. I mean how many men out there feel rejected because their peri/menopausal missus treats them less like Brad Pitt and more like Dog Shitt?! It’s not fair on any of us.
What’s actually going on? I know I’m a stuck record right now but the hormone-malfunction shitshow is still to blame. The mind might be willing (sometimes) but the flesh is weak. No shit.
Painful sex also known as dyspareunia can be treated with non-prescription water-based lubricants in the short-term aka LUBE. But as with all things in this game, getting to the root of the problem is key. Replacing lost hormones via HRT helps as does topical estrogen inside the vagina (spread all over the clitoris, vulva and perineal area - waste not want not). It is also thought that topical zinc can help strengthen the vaginal skin by supporting collagen.
Best get busy with those oysters then.
CRONE OUT!